I think football is in your soul, or it isn't. And it's been in my soul since about 1994, when the Premier League started getting big. People like Zoe Ball and Hugh Grant were revealing their previously-never-seen-ever-not-even-a-little-bit love of football. And so was I.
Like anyone else who's a born winner, I didn't want to support any old shite, so I supported the Champions - the mighty Red Devils of Manchester, Manchester United.
All the Directors at work are Manchester United fans - because they're born winners too. No compromise is accepted - we want success in all areas of our life.
Things were looking a bit dodgy at the start of this season, what with losing to Burnley, but I chose to discount that result. (In fact, it's weird - I don't really like football when we lose, so I never really get down about it - brilliant, eh? I bet you're dead jealous, getting all miserable about your rubbish team!)
But now we're top of the league again, I've really started enjoying it - and nothing's better than rubbing it in to all the sad Arsenal fans at work! Hey - there's even a Nottingham Forests fan!
(NOTTINGHAM FORESTS! Can you believe it? They never win! In fact, I don't think they've ever won anything! EVER! I bet you can believe it - because your team is probably just as useless!)
Anyway, the reason why I support the Manchester Red Devils is because success attracts success. Simple. Success-achievers like Eric Catona, Rory Keane and Sparkling Mark Hughesy were the winners of yesteryear who I first watched, right up to Ryan Rooney and the other members of the current team (their names escape me, to be honest).
So, that's why, suckers! You carry on supporting your load of rubbish - I'm with the winners, and my second club, Chelsea.
Up the Manchesters! I love them!
Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!