Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Agency characters, no 1 - The Managing Director

Welcome to an occasional series of my take on the characters you'll find in any agency, anywhere in the world.

Trust me, I've been through enough of them - they are all the same.

First up is the head honcho himself, The Managing Director.

Whether he runs a small agency or a big one, the MD is always a rampant egomaniac with delusions of creative genius. (Now, I AM a creative genius, so I can spot a fraud.)

He will, I'm afraid to say, always be a he and if he's not, she will act like she's a he.

He will have a sizeable booze habit (nothing wrong with that) but, in the interests of maintaining a professional sheen, he will pretend he doesn't.

He will be either a rampant womaniser, or a rampant misogynist. Rare are the MDs who are humble family men - they know the raw attractive power their position provides, and they usually milk it, because...

He will be deeply insecure about some part of his personality or appearance. This is often why he's grappled, humped, punched, scraped and gouged his way to the top - to show all those cunts that he isn't ugly/gay/spotty/prematurely balding/whatever.

He can't, despite all his best efforts, keep himself out of the creative department. He claims to 'let those guys do what they do best', but in those long, empty afternoons when there's nobody to bollock, or fire, or recruit, or sexually harass, he likes to 'just come up with a few ideas, ignore them if you want, they're probably rubbish'.

He will fire / rape anyone who says,'Yes, those ideas are, in fact, rubbish.'

He wants your money, my fellow marketing professional, more than he wants air, steak or claret. And he wants those A LOT.

He will be in a meeting on Monday morning, and in a meeting on Friday afternoon. (Which is bullshit, because that's MY trick.)

He only speaks to people in media to get free tickets to anything / everything for his wife.

He will drive very slowly, no matter how late he is.

He worked client side for a short spell after being an agency Account Director for 3 years and getting bored. He came back because there was too much paper work.

He's no Dave Knockles. But nobody is!

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!


  1. Hard to imagine a more perfect picture

  2. Thanks for that, Robin. I forgot to mention that they have all, at some stage, knobbed an account executive and think nobody knows about it.

    Mind you, we've all done that! Well, nearly.