Tuesday, 20 October 2009

More dirty tricks from Rupert Abbott (the cuntheel)

The man is a total wanker. Rupert Abbott, Marketing Director at our main rival (who also happen to be the market leader - and only because they sell more stuff, the shitpipes), has stolen my Marketing Manager, started using my old agency and now - NOW - has got himself a fucking column in our trade mag! What a cuntbag!

'21st Century Consumer Durables Marketing' is, it says here, 'An insight to the changing landscape of white goods marketing, from digital evangelist and multiple award-winner, Rupert Abbott.'


Well, if he wants a fight, he's got one. Who cares if everybody in our industry will read his column, blog, Twitterfeed, Facebook page, RSS channel and online tutorials? Not me. Because nobody will swallow any of his cunt-fluff ramblings for a second.

Get this - his first column is about the importance of online word-of-mouth! But Rupert - nobody uses their mouth online, you chump! You use YOUR FINGERS! Your first column and you've made a schoolboy error! Everyone's laughing at you, Rupert!

I can't wait to read the next one. He'll probably say you shouldn't have women with big bristolas in your ads! I know! That would be MADNESS!

Anyway, must dash - Big Andy Poleman wants to know why our sales, website hits and brand awareness figures are down. Again. (I don't know why he's asking me - I don't really know what any of those things are!)

I'll be back tomorrow with some marketing wisdom that makes Rupert Abbott look like the gold-plated fuck-mush he is!

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!


  1. My god you're wickedly creative with profanity.

    If he's got the industry's ear, don't try to out-shout him, change the conversation.

  2. Sounds like a right twat, direct him to this blog so he can read some proper marketing advice!

  3. Thanks for commenting, men!

    Coreyking - I'm not going to even have a conversation with him. He's a toenail. Fuck him.

    Instruct - That's the fucking spirit! (I have suggested he read it, but he said he was 'too busy with his novel'. What a cuntslice.)

  4. Seriously?

    Don't change the conversation with HIM--change the coversation within your industry. If everyone's looking his way, make them look yours instead. If everyone's listening to what he's saying, give them something better to listen to.

    Change the conversation.

  5. Thanks again, coreyking. I was planning to 'change the conversation' with my groundbreaking mega-strategy: to product-place the shit out of X-Factor. If only I'd remembered to budget it properly. Maybe I got carried away with the possibility of it all. Also, I'd invested quite a lot of time and effort getting Mandy Fookes, my marketing manager drunk, just to see if she's the kind of girl who won't mind the odd dalliance. (The great news is I think she's right up for it! So it's not all bad!)

  6. There are worse things by which one can be distracted, like work and life.

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