Thursday, 8 October 2009

Why lapdancing is good for Britain

As I sat last night in Delilaz, one of Europe's premier exponents of modern dance, with not one but four girls doing their best to show me just how dramatically flexible the human body can be, it occurred to me that what those brave girls were doing was taking Britain forward.

At one point, when four pairs of enhanced bristolas were bouncing around my face, I almost properly believed in God.

You see, what these girls do for the hard-working, dedicated, selfless and downright amazing executives of Great Britain is provide a way of releasing the aggression and testosterone that is a natural by-product of high-level management.

Spending the day making tough decisions, formulating business strategies that engender lasting customer delight, driving a company forward to achieve its goals in the short and long term - it all creates a huge amount of testosterone. And it's got to go somewhere.

If it wasn't for the committed and professional ladies at places like Delilaz across the UK, the executives of the nation would be completely suffocated by their own directorial by-product.

As it is, they're free to build up vast quantities of natural management residue by day, then have it professionally expunged by night.

It's why I'll always see lapdancers as the ultimate patriots. I'll never stop saluting them.

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!

2 comments:

  1. Mr. Knockles...
    Just found you. You link my blog... AdScam, the piss and vingar champ of the ad world. I just posted about you, and will link your site... I mean anyone who says cunt more than I say fuck deserves the recognition.
    Cheers/George

    ReplyDelete
  2. George,

    For a scribbler (that's what I call you guys with your pens and pencils and stuff - it's just my wacky sense of humour!) you're alright! And your blog is one of my favourites - though it could benefit from some of Dave Knockles' marketing inspiration.

    (For instance, I'd make the logo much bigger. You do seem to have the whole women-plus-bristolas angle covered, mind - well done for that! I once turned down Kate Moss for an ad. My mother (she's nearly target audience) said she had 'spiteful eyebrows'.)

    As for the industrial language, I make no apologies. Marketing is a man's world, for men, by men, with men talking like men to other men, in a man's world. Also, Rupert Abbott IS a complete cunt-faced cunt.

    Here's to you, George! It's an honour to be on your blogroll! And an honour for you to be on mine!

    Dave

    ReplyDelete