At one point, when four pairs of enhanced bristolas were bouncing around my face, I almost properly believed in God.
You see, what these girls do for the hard-working, dedicated, selfless and downright amazing executives of Great Britain is provide a way of releasing the aggression and testosterone that is a natural by-product of high-level management.
Spending the day making tough decisions, formulating business strategies that engender lasting customer delight, driving a company forward to achieve its goals in the short and long term - it all creates a huge amount of testosterone. And it's got to go somewhere.
If it wasn't for the committed and professional ladies at places like Delilaz across the UK, the executives of the nation would be completely suffocated by their own directorial by-product.
As it is, they're free to build up vast quantities of natural management residue by day, then have it professionally expunged by night.
It's why I'll always see lapdancers as the ultimate patriots. I'll never stop saluting them.
Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!