Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Friday is pitch day

Enough effing about - I've set the pitch date for the 3 agencies left on my pitch list.

This Friday!

Why muck about, eh? I mean, some people might say two days isn't enough to prepare for a major pitch, but they didn't sound that cheesed off. In fact, they all sounded pretty much okay with it, once they'd sorted out the phone. It was weird - every agency seemed to have a problem with their lines which happened after I said, 'The pitch is this Friday'. Every time there was a massive crackle, a load of muffled noises, some banging and then a sort of high pitched screaming. Fucking BT, eh? Or whatever it is now. Fucking them.

Now, the clear question is, 'Hey, Dave! You're a bit of a marketing genius and you've come up with brilliant concepts like the Cleanavia 1100, the big drive to suck the gay market dry and some seriously forward-thinking stuff like the X-Factor product placement idea. How come you've only given agencies 48 hours to sort their pitch out?'

My answer is this: Dave Knockles marches to a different drum. Actually, I'm playing the fucking drum. I'm the drummer. I'm Keith fucking Moon. So stand back while I smash this hotel room to pieces and bang the gaggle of birds who've been sleeping in the corridor for a week. which I mean, I'm in charge. And I ask you: 'How long does it take to have an idea?' A second. The agency boys know this. I know this. So by pitch o'clock, they should have had...hang calculator...shit...fucking thing...1,728,000 ideas. I have ideas in no time at all - so they should be even quicker! I mean, I do it and I hardly seem to need to engage my brain in any way. They're meant to be the professionals!

Also, this Friday works for me. The one after doesn't. Or the one after. (Delilaz is hosting a couple of special nights: Tits, Ass & Chips (to celebrate the new deep fat frier they've bought) and A Cucumber Down Oxford Street (at which every dancer has had at least two children). So, this Friday it is! And it has to be a Friday. I can't sit through three presentations in one day and not take some time out afterwards to have a serious discussion with my marketing team (possibly at Chez Chicken, then Dog Bar, Radish Bar, The Fallen Angel, God Bar and, of course, Delilaz).

So, anyway, this is my advice to my fellow marketing professionals. You are the client. You are the boss. Do it your way. Even if your way might seem, on the surface of things, so self-defeatingly fucking stupid it shouldn't even be worth considering let alone actually doing.

That's the way it is! And that's the way I work!

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!

1 comment:

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