Friday, 20 November 2009

Life's a pitch! Pitch battle! Pitch-er this! The Pitches of Eastwick! Perfect Pitch! Fever Pitch! Pitching In! Pitch A No Hitter! Scratch That Pitch!

Pitch day!

Today, at our offices, three of the nation's most...available ad shops came to convince us that they should be our agency of record.

I'd given them only 48 hours to devise their pitches. I'd been to a chemistry meeting with each of them (here, here and here) and I was ready to roll!

I gathered just a close team of marketing experts to help me reach a decision. My marketing manager, Mandy Fookes, my marketing sure...Kylie something or other and...the other one. I also invited, out of courtesy, Big Andy Poleman (CEO), Big Brian Humpage (Sales Director) and Big Alan Cockson (FD), as well as Sharon, Corinne, Lela, Daphne, Michaela, Clare, Jasmine, Beverley, Deirdre, Yvonne, Samantha, Jerina, Lequisha, Alex, Alexa, Alexis, Alexiss, Alexandra and Alexandria. (Basically, at some point or other over the last 6 months, I've told anyone with decent bristolas that they can come to the pitch. Call me an old-fashioned romantic if you will, but that's what I did.)

I also had the pitches filmed so my mother could watch them. She is nearly target audience after all.

I'll give a brief synopsis of my take on each agency's work.

Agency 1. Boring but rich.

Agency 2. Boring but poor.

Agency 3. Boring but confusing.

The problem with agency 2 was that they clearly didn't have a lot of work on because they'd produced a really impressive pitch. Now, if an agency has 48 hours to do something and they do it well, they clearly don't have anything better to do, so they're not in demand, so they're no good, so I don't want them.

Agency 1's work was absolutely horrendous! So they must be dead busy, so they must be in demand, so they must be good! (This insight is free to you, fellow marketeers, but it should cost you - because it's fucking gold!)

The third agency had two planners on the team. Now, I haven't worked out what planners do yet, but one always spells some kind of long-term ice-cream headache for me. Two...well, let's just say that I took a series of very important phone calls during that presentation. (Timed it perfectly too - got back in from the bog to here the words 'Any questions?' Absolute fucking music!)

So, once they'd wrapped up and buggered off, it was decision time. Luckily, that's what I do best. I'm the Marketing Director. This is my patch, my game. And it's down to nobody but me who I choose to be our agency.

So, I put it to a vote. (My mother gets a vote too - but a bigger one than the others because, well, she is nearly target audience.)

Find out the results on Monday, Knockles fans! And I know you will!

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!


  1. Love the rationale. I feel I'm learning a lot here Davey.

  2. You are, Kiki. You are. Stay tuned and before long you might be a genius like me.