Thursday, 5 November 2009

The morning after the chemistry meeting before

I felt slightly delicate this morning.

But, it must have been a good chemistry meeting because I woke up in my bed.

And when I say 'in my bed', I mean literally in my bed. Somehow, I'd cut a giant slit in the side of my mattress and crawled inside, a bit like Luke Skywalker does with that big white camel thing in The Empire Strikes Back.

Explain that one to me, if you would. No women were to be found, so I'm guessing I wanted a cuddle and that was what I came up with. Fucking ingenious, actually.

Anyway, the morning after a chemistry meeting demands two things. First, a simple, galvanising breakfast of sausage, egg, bacon, beans, black pudding,white pudding, hash browns, fried mushrooms, chips, lamp chops, 5 toast, 5 fried bread, fried tomatoes, fried potatoes, a pot of tea for 6 and a colossal, explosive dump.

Second, it demands the scoring of last night's agency. Let's call 1.

(This, by the way, is the first time the patented Dave Knockles Agency-on-Agency Battle Royale League Table Scoring System has been revealed. These, fellow marketing professionals, are the criteria that really count. All scores are out of 10.)

Bristolas: 7.
Not a bad display from the account executives, and even one of the planners had a nice pair. Total mark let down, however, by a way of dressing that, personally, I didn't think was quite pornographic enough.

Beerz: 8.
Excellent display by the account director, who flourished the gold card with enviable style. He also thoughtfully sent the waitress with the biggest juggles to my table again and again and again and again (which she actually really enjoyed, even though she didn't say so and seemed to have been given some bad news at the end of the night that made her cry a lot and do a lot of yelling about wanting to resign).

Brilliant jokes: 10.
Because I was there!!!! (Just joshing - brilliantly, again! That one isn't a real Dave Knockles benchmarking tool.)

Bloody good blokes: 7.
Mostly the agency boys were a good bunch who thought I was brilliant company - even when I accidentally punched one of them because I thought he had my wallet. (He didn't - he had HIS wallet! We / I laughed and laughed at that one!)

Bollocks: 7
You want to score low in this category. Sadly, the planners and the 'insight technologist' had the jargoniser turned up to 10 and had me reaching for the double Tequila Motherfuckers (3 shots tequila, 4 shots vodka, 2 shots pink gin - gets you so pissed you'd fuck your...well, you get the point).

So, not a bad show from Agency 1. Agency 2 has their turn soon. Right now, though, I need a lie-down. And that's exactly what I'll have when I get back from Delilaz! Thursday night is 'All The Lapdances You Can Eat' night! I can't miss that!

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!

1 comment:

  1. Damn, I almost get blind... in any shop the client it's like god, so i guess everyone should be attended in the right way, at least in generic viagra labs we do it in that way...