Her verdict is now in.
(The following is a direct transcript of her comments.)
Agency 1: 'They all look like whores and simpletons, David! Whores! Look at that one there, the one with the blouse undone to God knows where! Does she have a husband, David? Did she make that clear before she began this striptease? She looks just like that slut your father ran off with, and I hope they both die in a lot of pain. People like that shouldn't be allowed to live past the age of five. I can't bear it anymore - move on! I don't know why you put me through this, David, I really don't. Now come on - get the next one on quick...'
Agency 2: '(After five minutes of engrossed silence) Why are they speaking in French, David?' (I explain that the planner was speaking, in English.) Lord above! And do people pay him to say these awful things? I think the boy needs help, David. Is he gay, do you think? I've heard of gay people - Joan at the club talks about them and she says they're in a terrible state of confusion. Is this boy confused? Is he gay, David? Oh, Jesus! Look at that one - he looks like he's been painted orange! (I explain that the account director has stood up.) These people, David. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah! Get them away!'
Agency 3: 'Now that girl I like. She looks very, very nice indeed. She has a very simple, honest blouse and very unfussy haircut, David. No jewellery, nothing whorish. Very simple, girl. (I explain it's a male account manager.) Oh, sweet Lord, David. Who are you mixing with? Are YOU gay? Tell me now, boy? Are you gay? It wouldn't surprise me. The only girls you ever seem to bring home are dirty little whores with next to nothing on and great big...'
I think that's enough. You get the idea. She's very hard to please - which is why I value her orders so highly.
(Not orders, obviously - opinions.)
Anyway, the news is this: IT'S STILL A CLOSE-RUN THING!
Tune in on Monday (or Tuesday, depending on how much thinking I need to do) to hear what happens next.
You know you fucking want to.
Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!