I sat down this morning for a very long, very chilled, very meditative poo and the answer just popped into my head - almost as soon as the last torpedo had been fired by HMS Bot-bot.
Let's look at the evidence:
1. It's pseudo-scientific.2. It uses a lot of mysterious charts and symbols.3. It makes assertions that are sort of hard to pin down.4. A lot of people believe it without really being able to say why.
IT'S FUCKING ASTROLOGY!
Yeah! It's like your stars in the paper, innit? Every paper, no matter how high-brow, absolutely HAS to have an astrology page. Nobody knows why!
I imagine it works in a similar way. Planners, like astrologers, consult a lot of very complex information that only they understand, they disappear off to spend a lot of time thinking about stuff, then they unveil the truth - which absolutely nobody comprehends, believes or really remembers.
Then everyone draws his or her own heartwarming conclusion, and toddles off thinking that everything's going to be alright.
That's it, isn't it? I mean, tell me I'm wrong - this is a Dave Knockles first because I'm not sure what the fuck I'm talking about!
Are you a planner? Do you plan? Have you planned? Will you plan in the future?
Then tell me what the fucking hell it is you do. And tell me how you make Powerpoint charts that look like Stephen Hawking, a thought bubble and a hand grenade had a threesome in a pot of paint while angry toddlers ran amok with spray cans and a dictionary of confusing nouns.
I'll master planning, just like I mastered marketing! Nothing is beyond Dave Knockles (apart from fisting - I just don't know how people do that).
Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!