Saturday, 5 December 2009

It's been a long Friday night

I'll be brutally very honest, alright? Because I really love you, right? Seriously, I fucking do. I love you.

Anyway, Friday night was a teensy bit very totally excessive. So much so that it has turned, some fucking how, into Saturday night. (This has surprised nobody more than me, let me tell you. I opened my front door and sat on my sofa expecting to see some 5am repeat of a Dutch football match - FC Shavenhaven against Sporting Club Anal Sex or something - but fucking X-Factor was starting! WOW!)

The night has made me feel more philosophical than usual. (Actually, the night, then the day, then a bit of night again!) Now, I know that may surprise some of you who know that if I am anything, I am a really, really philosophical bloke. I am totally philosophical. I am! I'm a right philosophical cunt.

Where was I? I dunno. Oh yeah - philosophy. I've been thinking lately that, you know, maybe I'm not cut out for marketing. Maybe I should just knock it on the head. Maybe I should just...I dunno...look for something else to do.

I mean, Rupert Abbott gets all this attention for being a clever cunt, and I just seem to attract ridicule and derision. Even my mother, who loves me more than anyone in the world, said to me the other day, 'David. You really are the biggest mistake of my life - and that includes the shoulder pads I had surgically implanted in 1987.'

So...I've been thinking. Maybe this is as far as I can take things. Maybe it's time to say I AM THE CLIENT one last time.

So...here it is.




































HA HA HA HA HA! NO FUCKING CHANCE! I'M A FUCKING GENIUS! I COULD KEEP THIS SHIT UP FOR FUCKING YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS! I'M AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE! LIKE A FUCKING HEN PARTY! UNSTOPPABLE! I'M A MARKETING HEN PARTY AND THE ONLY WAY I'M STOPPING IS IF THE BRIDE STARTS HAVING LAST MINUTE REGRETS!

So...like...I'm not going to...like...stop...or...I feel like I've lost control of this analogy a bit. The hen party thing. It sounds better if you shout it without really thinking. I think I need to got to bed.

Why? Because I AM THE fuck me I'm tired.

8 comments:

  1. This is my favourite post so far. You are a genius, Knockles. I'll buy you a beer one day.

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  2. CLIENT! You forgot to say fucking CLIENT! You cunt.

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  3. @AdLand Suit
    Not if I by myself one first! Which I will.

    @David
    Come on, Dave. Mind the language, eh?

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  4. Phew! Right before I scrolled down I was completely devastated for a least a minute.

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  5. I'd honestly pay to read this shit (but, oddly enough, if you started charging I'd never visit again).

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  6. so you had a great weekend? well done. im glad you are not quitting this blog. if you would, i might end up reading the stuff from the guy who likes to hang out in shopping malls - instead of spending some quality time at delilaz like a real man. i love your philosophical side, too, though.

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  7. Knockles, Jesus Hernandez Christ man... I had a full-blown freak-out (hands waving about, frothing at the mouth, 3/4 lumber, etc) at the thought of not having virtual access to your genius.
    Thank the pope you were just fucking about. I mean just imagine those fuckers at your new agency without their alpha-head-creator of all things creative and genius, humbly known as THE FUCKING CLIENT).
    love and kisses, with tongue.

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