I think I may have met the number one special soulmate lady of my life.
I won't go into the details because they're deeply personal (and I was absolutely smashed, so I can't actually remember them anyway) but suffice to say, in a deep, dark, special place in Delilaz, this very Saturday (or possibly Friday) I made a once-in-a-lifetime connection with a lady.
That lady is Cutella...er...Cutella Something. Cutella Soon-To-Be-Knockles.
After my little incident the other night in Delilaz (and this is the last fucking time I want it mentioned, ever, and I fucking mean it), Cutella has been paying me a great deal of attention (and earning herself a fair wodge too, the little minx!), often taking much longer over dances, just to give me some extra attention. (Yes, this does cost me more - but she's a businesswoman, just like me. No, hang on, she's a businessman, just like me. No...ah, fuck it.)
But on Saturday (or Friday) that special bond became something more significant. Not even a connection - more a completion. I lost track of all time, all the troubles of my high-powered role as a marketing genius left me and I became transfixed by her eyes. I said some things (she tells me), she said some things, deep sentiments were exchanged.
(At this point, Cutella informs me, I did throw a minor spanner in the works by inadvertently farting her off my lap and into a wall. Luckily, she didn't let it put her off even though, as she playfully put it, 'It stank like a shit had taken a shit.' That girl!)
Anyway, I remember vividly her saying, 'David - you need someone to take care of you and that big house of yours you own outright. Was it a BMW you said you drive?'
Does it get any more exciting than this? A woman who cares for you, your castle AND is interested in cars!
The point of all this is: I'm going to ask Cutella to marry me.
I know! It's so exciting. It's making my tummy turn somersaults! My insides are doing cartwheels! I'm all tied up in knots and...hang on.
Nope. Actually, I just really need a shit. Christ, I'd better dash. This will be continued! And it'll all have a very happy ending!
Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!