Monday, 25 January 2010

Ding dong for DK

I'll keep it brief because, frankly, I'm excited enough to wee in someone else's pants, let alone my own.

I think I may have met the number one special soulmate lady of my life.

I won't go into the details because they're deeply personal (and I was absolutely smashed, so I can't actually remember them anyway) but suffice to say, in a deep, dark, special place in Delilaz, this very Saturday (or possibly Friday) I made a once-in-a-lifetime connection with a lady.

That lady is Something. Cutella Soon-To-Be-Knockles.

After my little incident the other night in Delilaz (and this is the last fucking time I want it mentioned, ever, and I fucking mean it), Cutella has been paying me a great deal of attention (and earning herself a fair wodge too, the little minx!), often taking much longer over dances, just to give me some extra attention. (Yes, this does cost me more - but she's a businesswoman, just like me. No, hang on, she's a businessman, just like me. No...ah, fuck it.)

But on Saturday (or Friday) that special bond became something more significant. Not even a connection - more a completion. I lost track of all time, all the troubles of my high-powered role as a marketing genius left me and I became transfixed by her eyes. I said some things (she tells me), she said some things, deep sentiments were exchanged.

(At this point, Cutella informs me, I did throw a minor spanner in the works by inadvertently farting her off my lap and into a wall. Luckily, she didn't let it put her off even though, as she playfully put it, 'It stank like a shit had taken a shit.' That girl!)

Anyway, I remember vividly her saying, 'David - you need someone to take care of you and that big house of yours you own outright. Was it a BMW you said you drive?'

Does it get any more exciting than this? A woman who cares for you, your castle AND is interested in cars!

The point of all this is: I'm going to ask Cutella to marry me.

I know! It's so exciting. It's making my tummy turn somersaults! My insides are doing cartwheels! I'm all tied up in knots and...hang on.

Nope. Actually, I just really need a shit. Christ, I'd better dash. This will be continued! And it'll all have a very happy ending!

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!


  1. Congratulations. She is One. Lucky. Lady.


  2. i am happy to read you have met the number one special soulmate lady of your life. especially if she cares not only for you, but all the things that are important in your life. speaking of which, more or less, has she already met your mother? have you already proposed to her? where will the stag night take place? delilaz? do tell! theres a theatre in my mind and the stage is quite empty, so far.