Monday, 29 March 2010

Laurence Bellenderson and the secrets of product shots

Right. Normal fucking service is resumed. If you want to read the latest news about adland, there are millions of places you can go. I can't be a-holed. All I get is picky picky picky people chewing my fucking lugs. Bollocks and clackholes to the lot of you.

I'm going to post about something far more important: how my photographer takes the best product shots in the universe.

Laurence Bellenderson is my product shot man. (I know! His name is a riot. Fucking Laurence! What a wanker!) He's been my product shot man for nearly 20 years because he's the best in the business. He's also one of the cheapest. Well, he is when he works for me! HA HA!

The product shot is to marketing what the ugly one is to Girls Aloud. Nobody's really that interested, but if you took it away, it would look weird.

The product shot does the simple job of showing the consumer what they'll be buying, but can also add some very important 'sizzle' - and that might seal the deal. So what does Mr Bellenderson do that the others don't?

Shoot it from below
It'll make your consumer durable / bottle of booze / chocolate bar / cock cream seem bigger, more imposing and, therefore, worth paying more for. Check out this fucking monolith of added value.

Make it all reflecty
This looks fucking brilliant. It's all, like...pwish! Zzzzing! know. Cool and stuff. Woooooh. Like this.

Don't be afraid of your product
Is your product so deeply fucking tedious that you want to hack at your own throat with a rust-encrusted vasectomy scalpel every time you see it? DON'T RUN AWAY FROM IT! Show that fucker in all its glory. Like these. What the fuck are they? Who knows? WHO CARES? They are beautiful, no matter what you say.

These are the basic principles by which one Laurence Bellenderson has cemented his place as the nation's greatest pack shot man. Yes, they are simple. And maybe that's the point. Or maybe not. Or maybe it is. I don't know. I'm actually very, very, drunk.

Of course I am!

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!


  1. Dear Mr Knockles. I see you're often frustrated with your agency. Have you seen ? I would love to see you post some of your withering rants about them on there!