Monday, 26 April 2010

In praise of Intel's jingle

Watch the commercial above. Go on. Fucking watch it.

Notice it's for Dell. That's Dell. Now watch the end bit and see what happens.


Now, I'm sure Intel handed a substantial amount of wodge to Dell for the pleasure of totally hijacking their commercial - something Intel have been doing to computer ads for years - but all anyone remembers is the jingle.

My fellow marketing professionals, this is genius. Rather than go through the tedious work of producing your own commercials, you just jump on the back of someone else's and bang it until it can't walk anymore!

You know, like a parasite. Like a blood-sucking parasite, perhaps a leech, sucking the energy out of another living creature and then casting its husk of a body aside before moving onto the next one.

Or like a cuckoo! A cuckoo, laying its egg in another bird's nest then fucking off for a wank or a pint of claret or to watch the leadership debates, then sitting back while some other fucking mug hatches and then raises its fat, swollen, greedy offspring.

The Dell spot above puts the jingle at the end, but I've seen ads that have the fucking thing IN THE MIDDLE! Imagine that! Some other chump's ad is rolling along nicely when...STOP! BING BONG BING BONG! Right - carry on, fucknut, not that there's any point because anybody watching is thinking 'What the fuck happened there? It went BING BONG BING BONG!'

It's a lot like when you're having a conversation, perhaps with a young lady, and her fucking psychotic twonk-paddle of a mate butts in and says, 'CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHING? I'M HAVING A VERRY HEAVY PERIOD!' And then you have to pick up the conversation again, possibly repeating the bit about how you're a Marketing Director who can literally turn anyone into a star, even though you can think of nothing but blood clots.

Some people say that the Intel jingle is more annoying than having a car alarm going off while a tantruming stage school 4-year old scratches her nails down a blackboard, while a crow with sharpened claws grabs onto your shoulder and pecks at your eyeballs, screeching Girls Aloud songs and shitting on you, while the leaders of the three main political parties scream their manifestos into your ear, all at the same time, while flicking a mixture of lemon juice, piss, cat blood, egg yolk and bleach at your face.

But these people don't know nothing not neither. Stealing other people's commercials and looking them in the eye while you do it is splendid work. And I should know.

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!


  1. I see what you're saying in principle, but it's not as if these are two competing companies. Intel are in the advantageous position of being relied on by the companies who use Intel's products to manufacture theirs.

    In short, Dell must advertise the fact that they contain an Intel processor to make sure their machines are desirable. Intel know (and rely on) this, and thus you will find wherever anyone mentions the word Intel you will ALWAYS, without fail, hear the jingle.

    So the trick here is finding these synergies between products / companies + reinforcing that to achieve a positive feedback loop - Dell have to shout about their Intel processors because everyone knows Intel because their jingle is everywhere because every manufacturer like Dell has to shout about them....and so it goes on.


  2. This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Bravo, Sir! Now to see if the rest of your blog is as amusing...