A blog by a client about marketing and ad agencies. This is the stuff what agencies wish they knew about what they reckon they know about but don't not know nothing. Yeah...I think that makes sense.
Friday, 16 April 2010
Our new product range. Revealed!
This is it, my fellow marketing professionals! This is the moment I delegate so hard for, every day, right at the coal face, forwarding emails frantically for Amanda Fookes to deal with - it's all for this.
The unveiling of our new product suite: THE CLEANASSIMO RANGE.
(Just linger over that name a while: Cleanassimo. Isn't it beautiful? Cleanassimo, Cleanassimo, Cleanassimo. One of my best, I think. You may remember that I named the Cleanavia 1100 too - inspired by the Flavia coffee machine I have in my office. Well, about a month ago, I replaced it with a Tassimo. The rest, as they don't say, will be history! Inspiration, never forget, can come from anywhere. The truly creative person is always open to new ideas.)
This time, though, we've got an entire range. The Cleanassimo 1000 will be joined by the 2000, 3000, 5000, 10,000, 138,000 and the range-topping 266,000.
All of them are products at the cutting edge that sits just behind the actual cutting edge. They are class-leading in the class below the class that's just below first class. So we're pretty proud. They represent possibly the biggest advancements in increasing margin and lowering production costs we've ever achieved. Our technical guys have been pushed pretty hard (at times physically) to develop products that break new ground in per-unit profits. They've done amazingly well. And there's some stuff customers might like too, so it's a win-win. But mainly, it's a win.
(By the way - AND THIS IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT - you can't tell a fucking soul about this, okay? Nobody. Not even your boyfriend / girlfriend / husband / wife / favourite hooker / person-you-sort-of-like-but-are-basically-with-for-the-sex-and-to-stave-off-the-fear-of-loneliness. You can't even tell your mother. Seriously. If anyone finds out I've been blabbing, Big Andy Poleman, my MD, will use my anus for a driving range.)
Naturally, a new product range needs a new product range campaign. And I've had some BRILLIANT ideas! The agency are going to be so fucking chuffed when I tell them I'VE ALREADY CRACKED THE CAMPAIGN AGAIN! I won't reveal too much at this stage, but if you remember the Cleanavia campaign and the way I featured a set of wonderful ladies I cast myself (from Delilaz - a coincidence I still can't get over), well, it's along the same lines only way, way better. It's SO much better. I'm so excited about it, I'm struggling to conceal the name of the major celebrities who'll be...oh no! I've let too much slip already!
It raises a serious issue, however. Do I actually need an agency when it's perfectly obvious that I can do it all myself.
I'd be interested to hear your views. What does an agency offer that I can't deliver myself?
Imagine it. I could do whatever I fucking wanted! More than I do already!
There are millions of blogs by ad agency boys. But there's nothing that tells the story from the client side - and that's the important side! (You'll get used to my mad sense of humour - everyone says I'm dead funny, especially the agency boys!)
So, seeing as how if you want something doing right you have to do it yourself (that's what I tell the agency boys when I'm fixing one of their ads for them) I thought I'd be the client who does it.
I'm the Marketing Director of a big company. I can't say who. But if I say we're number 2 in the European consumer durables market relating to, or directly involving, cleaning clothes and or soft furnishings and or other fabrics, with a commitment to excellence, quality and placing superior cleaning at the core of our customers' product experience, I think you'll suss. Yes - that's us!
I like BMW motor cars, Manchester United (yes, I'm from London - deal with it!) and forming successful business strategies that deliver optimum profitability and customer delight.