I don't really appreciate it when planners - yes, that fucking bunch - send me snotty emails about the briefs I write which suggest that I don't know what I'm doing.
I know exactly what I'm doing. And if you think I don't, you've clearly never seen me doing what I do because if you had you would see that I do what I do very much like someone who knows what they're doing. So up your cunt-end.
Anyway, my fellow marketing professionals, here's what a brief should be. (And don't let those agency toolbags tell you anything fucking different.)
It's called A BRIEF! Brief means fast, quick, speedy. Mine are often no more than four or five words. But those words are fucking fantastic.
Don't go on and on and on about this, that and the other fucking thing. The more you put into a brief, the less you get out. This is a fact, proven by many years in the business. I've written very long, elaborate, detailed briefs in the past and all I got was a lot of bollocks about 'what does it mean?' and 'were you drunk when you wrote it?' - so keep it short.
Agencies bang on ad-cunting-nauseam these days about the jaw-dropping, ball-spanking, cock-wilting insights into the target audience, their reasons to buy, the minutiae of their daily lives, their inside fucking leg measurement. So let them get on with it! Anything you write will be turned into reams of unbelievable shitwank by a planner anyway, so spare yourself the fucking headache.
Basically, just tell them you want a press ad, a TV ad, a radio ad, a poster, a whatever - and then tell them which product it's for. WHAT MORE DO THEY NEED TO KNOW?
I'll tell you what they need to know: I PAY THEIR FUCKING WAGES!
Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!