Friday, 18 June 2010

Your nan's dildo

Sometimes, while you're looking the other way, opportunity sneaks up on you and pops its bristolas in your ears.

So it was that, while presenting an award at the Adult Industries Marketing Awards the other night, I met the founder and CEO of Europe's leading supplier of sex toys, marital aids and performance enhancers to the grey market.

Two days later he called to ask if I would be interested in becoming his Marketing Director.

After being cruelly allowed to resign by my last so-called company, this could be a chance to again flex my massive management gland, and to push the envelope of marketing invention once more.

Give me your opinions, my friends. Adviseify me. Should I become the Marketing Director of a company that sells dildos to your nan? (And not just dildos. Some of the them are MASSIVE dildos. And butt-plugs. Butt-plugs! Who knew old people were so fucking dirty? Did you know? I didn't know. And, fuck me, you should see some of the strap-ons they sell! Seriously! Either your nan is a lesbian with that busted old crone three doors down, or she's banging your poor old grandad up his poor old clacker - a clacker which beat the fucking Germans! Talk about an eye-opener. And I don't just mean your grandad.)

Is this a gift horse or a fucked old nag that needs to be turned into glue? Help me, my friends!

Why? Because I AM ABOUT TO BE THE CLIENT AGAIN, OR POSSIBLY NOT!

10 comments:

  1. The picture that illustrates this post is a perfect entry for 'up the arse corner'.

    http://upthearsecorner.com/

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  2. Do it Knockles, DO IT. If nothing else it'll be the best conversation killer at weddings/funerals/parties: 'What do you do for a living?' 'I sell dildos to your nan'.

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  3. I foresee one big problem, Dave. You'll have to use pics of old ladies with "spaniel's ears", not lovely dollybirds with ripe bristolas. In other words, your Mum, naked (after all, she is the target audience). Could you live with that Dave? COULD YOU?!??!???

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  4. Grey market, but what colour are the dildos?

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  5. errrrr nan-dos yuk yuk yuk!!!!!!!

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  6. I have read the all comments regarding your inquiry about Online poetry. Thanks for starting this conversation.
    Dildos,Adult Toys

    ReplyDelete