Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Client Prerogative

During my many years as a guide, mentor, guru and source of inspiration to the younger generation of marketing professionals, I've had to develop teaching tools that will appeal to that audience.

One technique I've found particularly effective is to base my teachings on a popular song. And what could be more popular than Bobby Brown's seminal 'My Prerogative'? Everybody loves My Prerogative.

So, here's the DK version, which I have renamed 'Client Prerogative'. Singing this (with dance moves) to a room full of wide-eyed, gobsmacked young marketing wannabes is always a highlight. (Although I've actually only done it once - which is weird, right? You'd think people would want to learn how to be a client through the medium of funk and dance.)

You can read the original lyrics here. Mine, I think we can agree, make them look shitting useless.

Client Prerogative
(Brown, Knockles)

Everybody's talking all this stuff about me,
They all think I'm im-press-ive,
I'll take a small commission,
To help sway my decision,
That's client prerogative.

They say I'm lazy,
I really don't care,
That's client prerogative.
They say I'm abusive,
But they can go and fuck themselves in the clackypipe,
Getting paid is how I live.

Some messy questions, how am I so dyanmic?
But they don't understand my zen-like focus on the bottom line,
I really don't know the deal about her brother,
Or who her brother is, or who she is for that matter,
In fact, this part of the original song makes no fucking sense, sing...

Everybody's talking all this stuff about me,
They all think I'm e-ffect-ive,
Product in the headline,
I'll miss your every deadline,
That's client prerogative.

It's the way that I wanna live,
I can do just what I feel,
No-one can tell me what to do,
Cos what I'm doing, I'm doing for the ongoing improvement of profitability and consumer delight.

Don't get me wrong,
I'm not really souped,
Ego trips not my thing,
All these agencies,
Really get me down,
I see nothing wrong in
Spreading myself around.

It's client prerogative,
I can do what I wanna do,
And if you're giving out 'gifts',
I'll certainly take a few.

Everybody's talking all this stuff about me,
They all think I'm pro-duct-ive,
Bristolas in my advert,
Make me very glad-vert,
That's client prerogative.

That's client prerogative (repeat 'til fade).



If you're a young marketing buck (or buckess, or whatever the female equivalent of a buck is) then try singing this to yourself a few / hundreds of times a day and see how your career takes off.

I will share more of my groundbreaking teaching tips in the coming weeks. Or I may not. That's client prerogative!

(HA HA! I am a funny fucker, I really, really am. My agencies have always endorsed this view when I've asked them the question, 'Am I a funny fucker or what?' They all say 'Yes!' All of them. So I must be.)

Anyway, I've got to go and do something for the afternoon in a location that's conveniently close to my house.

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!

2 comments:

  1. wow, dave, your blog is like a gift stream of wisdom that keeps on giving. some agency boys might say agency-client relationships have become a giant clusterfuck, or saucily say that clients got the selfish gene. but your words really change that pattern beyond recognition.

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  2. nice blog dave. Good to see a lot of articles related to marketing. If you can , write about internet marketing strategies once in a while. We would love to hear about that. Surely you know how to bust the balls and break the confidence of some guys.

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