A man off the telly is set to appear in a TV ad in which he holds a product up in front of the camera and attempts to forge a link in the minds of consumers between himself and the people who make the product - even though that link does not in actual fact exist at all!
The man, the least famous of three quite famous men, has in the past claimed to have some affinity for the product - though this turns out to be the general product, rather than this specific product, which he has never actually mentioned at all.
The decision to use the man as a 'figurehead' for the product has been heralded as a groundbreaking step in the world of advertising. One man, an advertising expert called something, described the use of the celebrity as 'a complete first, a never-before-seen strategy, a turning point for our profession and a revelation for the world at large'.
While some dissenters, mainly the entire general public, are suggesting that this has been done more times than Madonna and is, in fact, so tiresomely predictable that it makes them want to reach inside their own throats and tear out their genitals from the inside, many inside advertising are - quite literally - wanking themselves to a soapy fruition and convincing themselves that this isn't a bone idle pissing away of a client's cash.
Jesus, I'm bored of advertising. I might go and do something else more enjoyable. Like fuck my own face with a cricket bat I've had marinading up a cow's clacker for a month. (I actually have one of those. I just can't remember where I left the cow.)
How hard can it be, really?
If you're going to have a celeb, have one with bristolas that look like the winner of the prize pumpkin competition. Especially if you're advertising beer! It's fucking simple, but you lot seem to consistently and willfully ignore the golden nuggets of 24-carat solid gold diamond bullion advice I'm dishing out.
Anyway, I'm off to do whatever I fucking like.
Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!