Monday, 8 November 2010

Post mortem

My friends. My dear, dear friends. My fellow marketing professionals. My brothers and sisters in brandcentric communications. My family of envelope-pushers, idea-busters, truth-bombers, paradigm-shifters and ball-belters.

I have news.

I am dead.

I mean, I'm not dead, obviously. When did a dead person ever type? (Not counting Dan Brown, of course. Fuck me - have you read any of that shit? If he wasn't dead when he wrote it, he needs a fucking colosssal excuse.)

No, I mean that my road is run, my race is closed, the show is up and the game is over. I can blog no more. This will be the last time I post here.

I know what you're thinking (and, in the case of the ladies, I know what you're screaming, sobbing and wailing): WHY, DAVE? WHHHYYYYY?

Well, the reasons are many and varied, but the most important are 1) I can't be fucking bothered, 2) Let's be honest - I probably lost it about 6 months after starting and should have cunted it on the head then, 3) My mother found my blog and told me to stop if I want a penny in inheritance, 4) I've pretty much said it all to the point that anyone who's been reading this for the last few months has the equivalent of a marketing degree, if not a P-fucking-hD.

I would like to thank you all for your interest, time, patience and continued support of what was, for a time, the best blog in the world, bar none, ever, without exception. (I don't think that's an overstatement, do you? I mean, name a better one. Go on. See? You fucking can't.)

I hope to return at some point in the future because, putting it bluntly, I'm too fucking good just to jack it all in. For now, though, I wish you good luck and good fortune. (Unless you're a complete shithound, in which case I wish you herpes.)

I am Dave Knockles. And I WAS THE CLIENT!


  1. Noooooooooo...... This was one of the few blogs I really followed, as the rest tend to be written by utter cuntwipes and knobheads. Where the fuck am I going to get my marketing insights and culinary tips from now?

  2. Nooooo!

    Dave dave dave why the change in heart?

    you can't stop


  3. Did someone from HR intimidate you? A true marketing leader caves to an officious bureaucracy? Shame! ;-)

  4. Noooooooooooooooooooo... say it isn't so!

    C'mon Dave, grow a bigger pair, man up and show those knob jockey cock ends how it's done... it's not about you, it's us mere mortals who benefit from your insights. YOU are the only marketing guru there is... Alf said it right, the rest are unfit to say the least!

  5. Say it ain't so Mr Knockles! Say it ain't so!

    I've been in tears all morning after reading this (but mostly because I got my ball sack caught in my zipper and still managed to get the zipper all the way to the top).

    Thanks for a brilliant read, laugh (although I assume every word you wrote was the gospel truth) and idea.

    I agree with you - you are one of the most brilliant minds in advertising and all that tosh.

  6. Fuck you Dave. Nobody cares. This here's a cunt-a-minute business and you'll be replaced in a nano-fucking-second. Good riddance. Next jackass please?

  7. You lazy, disappointing pile of ol' shite.

    You were the only blog I had bookmarked, but you're dead to me now.

    *hits delete button*



  8. Thanks for the hilarity. Good work for keeping it up for so long.

  9. Look forward to your return you utter cuntpipe!

    Don't leave it too long.

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  11. A tragedy of epic proportions

  12. Wewe bwana mbona unaenda bila kwaheri? Umekosa adabu lakini tulipenda sana blogu yako, natunasikitika unaisimamisha.*

    *This is Kiswahil; use Google translate.