I have news.
I am dead.
I mean, I'm not dead, obviously. When did a dead person ever type? (Not counting Dan Brown, of course. Fuck me - have you read any of that shit? If he wasn't dead when he wrote it, he needs a fucking colosssal excuse.)
No, I mean that my road is run, my race is closed, the show is up and the game is over. I can blog no more. This will be the last time I post here.
I know what you're thinking (and, in the case of the ladies, I know what you're screaming, sobbing and wailing): WHY, DAVE? WHHHYYYYY?
Well, the reasons are many and varied, but the most important are 1) I can't be fucking bothered, 2) Let's be honest - I probably lost it about 6 months after starting and should have cunted it on the head then, 3) My mother found my blog and told me to stop if I want a penny in inheritance, 4) I've pretty much said it all to the point that anyone who's been reading this for the last few months has the equivalent of a marketing degree, if not a P-fucking-hD.
I would like to thank you all for your interest, time, patience and continued support of what was, for a time, the best blog in the world, bar none, ever, without exception. (I don't think that's an overstatement, do you? I mean, name a better one. Go on. See? You fucking can't.)
I hope to return at some point in the future because, putting it bluntly, I'm too fucking good just to jack it all in. For now, though, I wish you good luck and good fortune. (Unless you're a complete shithound, in which case I wish you herpes.)
I am Dave Knockles. And I WAS THE CLIENT!