Monday, 1 November 2010

We win again

Can you feel it, my agency friends? Can you feel something happening to you? Something slow, something inexorable, something very, very painful and humiliating?

I can tell you what that is: it's us, the clients, winning.

Every day, we're taking control of another square inch of your domain, crawling ever forward towards that special place where all that you hold dear and true is kept locked away.

Some genius yank client has put his business up for pitch (which is a brilliant way to fuck agencies in their paphole anyway) and is also demanding that every competing agency hands over all pitch ideas (for next-to-fuck-all money) AND doesn't want them to pitch for any competitor business FOR TWO YEARS!

This is incredible work! What balls!

Not only are they fucking the agencies now, but also tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, and so on and so on for ages! What a marvellous frigging wheeze! It also bends one up their competitors' bott-ends by taking agencies out of the market for the forseeable. Superbulent!

Of course, this is absolutely as it should be. Clients, deserve to own all work from pitches, even losing work, because nobody would have done the work if there'd been no pitch. (Even if we only called the pitch to screw the incumbent agency's fees down! Ooh, we are naughty!) So we're doing you a favour, really, when you think about it.

And, naturally, it is only common business sense to restrict the livelihood of an agency because they may, at some point, possibly, work with a competitor. (How dare they work with a competitor? How fucking dare they?)

What's really amazing, though, is that you agency boys just assume the position, bite the pillow and let us give it to you again - just like you always do.

I know, I know - it's demeaning and insulting and makes you die inside. I know. There, there. That's it - just let it out. Oh, you poor thing. Let it out, that's the way. Oooh, have a good blow - there we go. That's it. All better now?

Yes? Good. Now bite that fucking pillow again. I want some more free ideas, you slag.

And I shall have them.

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!

1 comment:

  1. Oh my! I was laughing the whole time while reading this one. Very nice. Ha! Reminds me of how the business works, even for some small business. Payroll services, however, have great deal of certified accountants who are, you know, smart enough to do their job. They do these payroll tax services without any fuss 'coz they're damn good! I don't know how they handle all the financial statements of any company. Hmmm... Better have them, than penalties, right?