Now. I have covered this subject previously, and basically argued that the only reason for a rebrand is a) someone at the client end is bored of the logo or b) the marketing budget needs to be used up before some fuckhat from accounts takes it away.
(I've never understood this practice, by the way. ALL accountants know that departments use their budget up on useless shit because they'll lose what they don't spend this year off next year's budget. They KNOW this. In fact, I once went into accounts to argue the toss over an expenses claim (a bar bill of a couple of grand at Delilaz which was absolutely essential to the business because...I'll tell you later) and they were all frantically flicking through office supply catalogues, circling expensive chairs and elaborate staplers. Turns out they were trying to use up their own budget by the end of the year. That's right - they even take away budget FROM THEMSELVES if it isn't spent.)
Anyway, I'd like to add a little depth to my previous (undeniably fuckmazing) musings on this subject.
When considering a rebrand, the first decision you have to make is about your company's / product's name.
Do you want a new one?
To help reach that decision, a few questions you could ask yourself are 'Is my company's / product's name a load of old shitwipes?' 'Does it remind me of an ex-girlfriend / overly-familiar uncle / South American town where I got mugged, drugged and had my kidney stolen?' 'Do I...oooh...I dunno...you know...sort of...like...well, it's a bit...you know...hmm...sort of...you know...just...like...bleurgh? Like? You know?' That should help throw some light on things.
If you do decide on a name change, a small word of warning. Prepare to get financially fisted right up your little plinkyshoot. The agency will see it as an excuse to launch any number of trouser-fuckingly lengthy and expensive research projects, all of which will point to the inescapable truth of the name 'Hello', 'Bloop' or 'WeAre(insert old name)'.
Still, it'll involve a lot more meetings, lunches and generally complex-looking stuff to pass on to your gaffers, so it's not all bad. If anyone gets sniffy about the cost, just tell them that the guy who came up with the name 'Orange' is working on it. Even if he isn't. Which he won't be.
Next step is to think about your brand's current 'personality'. A good way to start is to imagine your brand is a person, then think about their characteristics and traits. Perhaps even give them a name!
So, is your brand a feisty young woman with an active social life? Or a dedicated, mature man with a patient and prudent approach to life? Then again, is it a right old cunticular fucklug who says things like 'Fare thee well, until the morrow' every time he leaves the office, and eats his sandwich at exactly the same fucking time every day, sitting there chewing and chewing and chewing every mouthful, and you just fucking know he's counting each bite so each morsel of the same ham and the same cheese and the same bread he's had every other cunting day gets the same perfect masticatory treatment before it slithers down that fucking neck of his, past that fucking adam's apple that bobs about when he talks like a fucking buoy on a riptide?
That exercise should help you decide on your brand's personality. When you think you've got that right, decide on the personality that you'd prefer it to have. Then just call the agency and say something like 'I want my brand to be a married 30-something woman who still likes a drink and getting one up the chutney. BY FUCKING THURSDAY.'
(That's briefing, my friends, but don't expect to be that good at it right away. I've honed my skills for 20 years.)
Finally in this seminar, I'd like to raise the issue of what agency's sometimes call 'brand essence'. This isn't a baking ingredient (as I found out at the expense of an entire weekend's shopping and a large slice of my dignity), but a way of boiling down to a phrase or a handful of single words exactly what a brand means to its consumers. For example, a brand may be 'hopeful', 'honest', 'youthful' and 'lively'. When creative work is shown, they may refer back to these words, demonstrating that each execution is consistent with those values.
Don't be fooled by this load of fucking hogtoss.
You're the client, and you pay the bills, and you fucking decide whether a piece of work is 'hopeful' or whatever or not.
In one presentation, some fucker tried telling me that the colour red, which featured heavily in the work, is 'passionate and vibrant'.
I said, 'No it fucking isn't. It's cold and unpleasant and deceitful'.
He said, 'Er...I think it's generally widely agreed that red is an energetic colour.'
I said, 'Well how come the woman who ran off with my Dad and stole him away from my mother and me wore red a lot? Not that I'm bothered because I never really got on with him and who needs a good hug from your Daddy anyway, when it gets dark and you think there might be spiders and all you can hear is your mum drinking gin downstairs with the radio on full blast, just sobbing, sobbing, sobbing? And who really needs to feel those big protective arms around you, strong and warm and reassuring, and a soft, kind voice telling you that everything's going to be okay, don't worry Davey, I'm here, son, I'm here? I fucking didn't.'
Of course, he had no answer to that.
That's all for now, my friends. That should be enough to blow your fucking minds anyway. Right now I have to go and look at all my competitors' marketing and suggest my agency copies it but makes it different.
Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!