DK hits The Fuck-Up Jackpot!

WALLOP! I right-hooked the doors of my agency open.

SMASH! I landed a Hulk-like fist on the reception desk.

BANG! I asked the receptionist for one, but she ran off crying.

No matter, because this was a great day, my friends. A victorious day!

Why? Because tucked into my attache case (yes - I use an attache case with combination locks, because I'm fucking 80s tremendous) was a print job containing not one errant double space, BUT TWO!

Yes. TWICE did my agency place two spaces between words, instead of the requisite one. And this, my friends, means I've hit THE FUCK-UP JACKPOT!

'What's that, Dave?' I can't hear you ask because you're not in the same room.

Well, it's the welcome addition to your marketing budget that your agency contributes when they fuck somthing up. Typo in a headline, website missed off an ad, massive pubic thatch not removed from a bikini shot - that sort of thing. It all means the agency's paying for the fuck-up, because they understand that it's the right thing to do.

HA HA! Of course they don't do it because it's right! They do it because they don't want to lose your account! If they did things because they were right, nobody would have heard the words 'We buy any car' a trillion times in the last year.

Now, most clients see agency fuck-ups as something to be stamped out. 'Don't do it again,' they chide, placated by the agency's cheque book.

Let me be very clear: those clients are amafuckingteurs. I am not most clients, however, so I can give you the proper juice:

I love agency fuck-ups so much, I employ someone whose sole purpose is finding them!

Yes. A bloke called...er...something sits in the office with a magnifying glass, a dictionary and a ruler and I don't let him go home until he finds at least one fuck-up on every single piece of work my agency produces.

Rogue pixels, widows, orphans, misaligned logos, debatable commas, dubious grammar - my guy...thingy...will find 'em. And then it's JACKPOT TIME!

I reckon I reclaim about 65% of my marketing budget back from the agency! It's a win-win! Well, it's a win! For me!

After all, the agency boys won't cause a stink. They still keep 35% of my budget. That's better than nothing, and after working with me for a week or so, they learn to adjust their forecasts. They just have to fire someone every time there's a fuck-up. And what's the problem with that?

(That said, I did bump into a creative director who lost his job because I got the agency to pay for a national poster campaign that had a less-than-perfect line break in the legals, but he was fine about it. Well, he didn't say much, to be honest, apart from some stuff about his wife and an operation and losing the house and divorce and rehab, but from inside my BMW, he seemed fine. Sorry - when I say 'bumped into' I mean 'ran over'. Should have made that clear.)

So don't treat mistakes as something to avoid, my fellow marketing professionals! Treat them as a valuable income stream! I certainly do.

Why? Because I AM THE CLIENT!