The news that TBWBABWABWA has resigned the Muller account came as no surprise to me.
I mean, look at the agency's last ad for the Teutonic Yoghurt Fuhrers.
First, let's agree that 'resigning' an account means 'were about to be fired from'. Agencies are always resigning on me. And I was always just about to fire them. (But, then, I'm always about to fire the agency. It's the only way to ensure decent service, I find.)
Second, let's agree that I'm fucking tremendous. I'm dynamic, wise, kind, sexually incredible, can drink like nine Vikings, have a sensitive and thoughtful side somewhere and I will happily plate a bird off until she's had enough. This has nothing to do with the post I'm writing, but let's all just agree it, because it's fucking nailed-on TRUE.
Third, let's agree that agencies just don't understand clients, as TBWAWBAWTA has proved. They think that really, deep down, we want to do lots of brave, bold, pioneering creative work that gets 45 billion views on YouTube and makes our mothers brag about us down at their swingers club.
We don't. We don't want to be in Campaign, pulling the Campaign face (wear black, pretend you've seen things, possibly in Vietnam). We want to be in Marketing Week, with a picture of us in our cavernous new office, next to the headline, 'World's first billion pound bonus.' We don't want YOU getting blown in pub toilets for doing great work. It's OUR account, you sploots of discharge.
Let me make this simple. Here are the possible outcomes of any campaign and the probable results.
Amazing creative, shit results = client blames agency, agency loses.
Shit creative, shit results = client blames agency, agency loses.
Shit creative, amazing results = client wins, agency loses.
Amazing creative, amazing results = client wins, agency takes credit, client fires agency, agency loses.
See? If we all just make stuff nobody hates, loves, reacts to or ignores, the gravy train keeps on a-chuffin'. Stop trying to fuck it up. Now, off you go and make me an ad with a cute toddler and a ball of wool in it or something.
Why? Because I AM YOUR OVERLORD!
We don't. We don't want to be in Campaign, pulling the Campaign face (wear black, pretend you've seen things, possibly in Vietnam). We want to be in Marketing Week, with a picture of us in our cavernous new office, next to the headline, 'World's first billion pound bonus.' We don't want YOU getting blown in pub toilets for doing great work. It's OUR account, you sploots of discharge.
Let me make this simple. Here are the possible outcomes of any campaign and the probable results.
Amazing creative, shit results = client blames agency, agency loses.
Shit creative, shit results = client blames agency, agency loses.
Shit creative, amazing results = client wins, agency loses.
Amazing creative, amazing results = client wins, agency takes credit, client fires agency, agency loses.
See? If we all just make stuff nobody hates, loves, reacts to or ignores, the gravy train keeps on a-chuffin'. Stop trying to fuck it up. Now, off you go and make me an ad with a cute toddler and a ball of wool in it or something.
Why? Because I AM YOUR OVERLORD!
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